Transitioning from being a couple to being a family emotionally and physically is the most difficult work couples will ever do, especially during the first 6 weeks. The family members all need time to sort things out, and at this stage, all that can be done is to live through the chaos. It is not possible to train for this Olympic sport. Absolutely every aspect of life together changes, and first time parents have no frame of reference for this new experience.

A shake up in the territory known as ‘ourselves’ is essential for survival. Selfishness must leave the premises and make way for unbelievable levels of flexibility. They have to go with what is occurring, rather than directing or controlling it. This, in addition to unbelievable sleep deprivation can cause feelings of grief, loss (of freedom) and utter exhaustion during the first 6 weeks whilst becoming used to radically changed circumstances. It requires unremitting 24/7provision of care and responsibility.

It would be a great loss for everyone if the new VIP was treated as just another acquisition, another commodity or a thing, rather than an exquisite little personality in desperate need of intimacy and attention and eventually, love.


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